reading list 002
This week has gone by in a blur; I don't know where all the time went. Here are all the articles I've read recently - I've been thinking a lot about my screen usage and engagement with internet culture.
Loosely related, I've also been decluttering my physical space and digital space. I learned that I tend to repeat myself, that my desires and interests have remained pretty consistent. In an effort to put all these thoughts and feelings into a more cohesive narrative, I'm starting a second brain / digital garden in Obsidian. Will update my blog when there is more to write about it, now it's a small clump of cells growing slowly.
The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy
Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Don't rank and compare people and relationships — cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals.
I know that environmental influence is the most effective form of behavioral control. Accordingly, if you want radical change, radically change your environment. Being in the wrong city will cancel out years of self-improvement.
I know that freedom is earned by confronting things that embarrass and trigger you, over and over again, until you are cringe-proof in your desired environment.
I know that almost nobody hears too many sincere compliments. Compliment them to their face. Then, compliment them behind their back. Practice naming pleasant feelings you have about people, as soon as they bubble up, in the moment: "It's always fun to see you." Lower the resistance around this to zero.
It’s Time to Quit DoorDash and Uber Eats
Last year, I decided to stop using food delivery apps like DoorDash and Uber Eats. What I discovered is that in order for a New Year's resolution, or really any goal, to be effective, is that it must be about tackling a small part of a much larger problem. By attempting to live up to that goal, you also learn a lot about how your brain, life, and the world work.
But regardless of my use in any given week, what's important is that the small thing has led to a bigger thing: realizing I have much more agency than I thought I did, and that corporations are built on the back of us thinking we don't have any.
Few of these apps even existed 15 years ago. The vociferousness with which people defend them when we lived lives without them not that long ago is proof of a kind of Stockholm Syndrome. Like, No guys, I actually find the silk from the spider web comfortable!
But that's another thing I've learned: you can't have it both ways. You have to decide what's important to you—convenience and comfort, or agency. Is it nicer to be ensconced in a soft web of silk, or do we miss flying?
My year of rest and Twitter detoxification
Once I understood this, it gave me the ick. To use any of the Big Three is to clock into my shift at the engagement factory, but only Meta or Musk make money. I finally saw what this study was talking about when it found scrolling makes you more bored. Once I switched to these more active, "companion" apps, I'm enjoying them more and my screen time has decreased. It's because I'm not laying in bed digitally switching from abyss to abyss, but using them when relevant to the real-life thing I'm doing.
So today I'll be presenting a taxonomy of cringe, from wholesome cringe to malevolent cringe, based on my theory that all cringe exists along two axes—from delusional to aware, and insincere to sincere—but hugely varies depending on where it falls. Not everything that exists on these axes is cringe, but all cringe exists on these axes. If you agree, this matrix can serve as a safety guide.